What can be said about the Italians and their inexplicable love of all things shiny and vinylesque? In one of my dear, dear classmate's recent papers, he wrote that a professor was "clothed in the most European of fashions," and unfortunately meant that in a good way. To which I would respond... have you met many Europeans? These are the people who still find fanny packs socially acceptable, for god's sake!
Initially I was going to go on and on with some fanciful story about how this old Italian biddy was actually the conductor of the Fug Express, a magical train much like Tom Hanks' Polar Express, except with less magic and whimsy and more tacky faux-Fendi sunglasses and inexplicably overlong manicures, but then I realized that there's really nothing to be said about the shape of this hat. It's not a newsboy cap, it's not a conductor's hat, it's not a helmet (despite the fact that I think if you threw a quarter at it you'd hear a metallic clank)... the only thing it really is is just downright ugly.
I also questioned the necessity of the inexplicably large gold chain, until I realized that this isn't just a hat. It's a weapon! Clearly, when this Blood accidentally walks into Italian Crip territory, she doesn't need to worry. She can just detach her giant gold chain to whip some mad bitches into shape, knowing her shiny, unattractive hat will deflect any bullet that comes her way. It's like those canes that secretly have swords in them that seemingly everyone in period action films has, except much less cumbersome and much more tacky. You go, Blood Italiano. Show those Crips that horrible fashion sense doesn't mean you can't cut a bitch.
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